Mary Christmas

'And the winner is...'

Glen had his hand over a bright green bucket, surrounded by a full canteen. It was the first of December, the day in our house that celebrates the beginning of Christmas. For some it's the day after bonfire night, for most it's when they first see the coca-cola adverts on TV. But like our house, the store decided to put up their tree today, and Glen was poised to announce the person who gets to switch on the christmas tree lights. 'Winner' is a rather grandiose term, in my opinion. But you wouldn't believe how many middle aged checkout women popped their name into the bucket, maybe it was all that kept them going, that and Come Dine With Me later that evening.

'Mary Walton!'

The room mumbled and whispered to each other for a few seconds, a few of us panned the room to find her. Some couldn't put a face to the name, most only know Mary as 'that big Goth girl.' I'd be offended for her, but that's how she introduces herself to people. It turned out Mary wasn't in until later that day, which was a little bit of a let down amongst the colleagues. They all got out of their seats and wandered off, whilst Alex informed Glen of Mary's absence.

'Righto, I'll tell Sharon.' Glen nodded.

Sandra was soon over to Glen, complaining in her high pitched voice about giving the prize to another colleague. I'd love to see that at the Oscars: 'George Clooney couldn't attend this evening, so we'll give the Best Actor award to someone else, congratulations...' Mary was due to be in soon, but Alex was a bit confused.

'Isn't it a bit weird, having Mary turning on the lights?'
'Why?'
'I thought Goth's hated Christmas.'

I've no idea where he got that from. I'm not sure they hate it, that's a strong word for Christmas. Goth's might be in cults or listen to industrial death metal music, but I bet they still get knitted socks off their Grandma on Christmas day, even if they are black ones.

'I'm not sure they hate it, but some are most probably atheists. So Christmas may seem a bit annoying.'

We all find it annoying at times, simply because there's always little fights and squabbles on Christmas Day. It's the build up and excitement stirring within you, it's bound to come out in a negative way at some part of the day. I remember my brother stormed off half way through the Queen's speech, we didn't see him until new years eve. Quite frankly, if no-one storms off, Christmas hasn't arrived.

I was still explaining things to Alex an hour later, stood in the foyer with a few colleagues, standing in front on Sharon and the massive Christmas tree, waiting to be lit. At the back, a few customers chatted away to charity workers in big winter coats, the distant tones of a brass band in the background, playing Christmas carols. To my left stood Steve and Mary, peering to the front.

'What are you doing over there?' I mouthed.
'What?' Mary mouthed back.

I repeated the same question, but she still couldn't understand me. I could have spoken aloud but people never do in those situations, I'd hate to break tradition. Sharon interrupted our silent conversation, clapping her hands together and shuffling them about.

'OK, thank you for attending this special occasion. Here to turn on the Christmas light...Sandra!'

The room clapped, apart from me and Alex.

'What's going on?' I asked.
'Yeah, why is she doing it?'

Before I got a chance to ask Sharon, the crowd clapped again, this time twice as loud, in reaction to Sandra's switch on, making the lights on the tree twinkle. As the crowd dissolved, Mary and Steve were soon over.

'What were you trying to say?' Mary asked me.
'Why weren't you doing it?'
'Doing what?'
'Turning on the lights?' I said.
'Yeah, didn't you know you won?' Alex asked.
'No, I've only just turned up.'

It turned out that Sandra and Sharon had a little chat earlier that day. They both agreed that Mary's 'look' wasn't suitable for such an occasion, and Sandra suggested that she would be more suited. As soon as Steve drew this out of Sharon, he was down into the foyer, gathering customers and colleagues around him.

'Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen...'

Mary did her best to stop him, but he was adamant on stating his opinions.

'There are some people in this world, who see people in different ways. And when they see people in those ways, they treat them differently...than other ways.'

I'll be honest, Steve wasn't the best public speaker. But he spoke quite slowly, which gave him an air of authority. You try it at home, it will work a treat.


'My girlfriend. There she is...' Steve held out his arm in Mary's direction. 'Funny, wise, strong, a good wrestler....'

The last one made the crowd mumble to each other, I would have left that one out.

'And the most beautiful woman I've ever met. She deserves to do what she wants. And if she wants to turn on these Christmas light, then she will.'

Steve ushered Mary over to the tree, clicked off the switch on the plug and made the lights flick off.

'Mary. Knock yourself out.' He winked.

Mary crouched by the tree and flicked the switch back on, but nothing happened. She waited a second, then tried again, but none of the lights illuminated.


'Oh, hang on, love.'

Steve popped on his glasses and stared into the plug.

'Must have shorted it or something.'
'I didn't short it, Steve!' 
'I know...'
'Don't blame me!'
'I'm not...You always had a clumsy nature.'

Steve started to get a bit impatient, flicking the switch faster and harder every time, the last one giving him a rather large electric shock.

'Ah, bastard!'

The crowd started to walk away slowly. Well you would, if all you watched for two minutes was to two people glaring into a plug on the wall. Hardly compelling viewing. Sharon noticed the crowd in the foyer and rushed over.

'Steve, what are you doing?'
'Sharon!' Steve jumped up. 'You missed my speech.'
'Your speech?'
'Yeah, about people being able to do what they want.'
'You can't do that. And why aren't the tree lights on?'
'I think someone shorted the fuse.' Steve glanced at Mary.
'No, I didn't!' Mary nudged Steve in the ribs.
'A bit clumsy.' He rolled his eyes.

Mary gave Steve another nudge in the ribs, which was more like a punch with her elbow, and stormed off.


Christmas is here!