Don't Rock The Vote (Part Two)

I know there was only five of us, but it was a tight squeeze getting us all into Darren's office. I imagine getting your own office to be an amazing thrill. All that hard work and concentration, channelled towards your chosen field, and the joy of the reward in knowing that you're work and productivity warrants the safety of four walls, a shiny desk and one of those black, tippy chairs you get from Argos. Steve was as tactful as ever.

'Bit shit in here, isn't it?'

It was a rhetorical question, sharply aimed at us all. Alex, Mary and I stayed quiet, settling down in our chairs. Darren told him to be quiet.

'Steve tells me you used to work outside?' Mary asked.

'Yeah.' Steve spoke for Darren. 'Those were the days.'

'It wasn't for me.' Darren scrunched up his nose.

Is it for anyone? Maybe someone who loves pushing stuff in the rain everyday.

'Anyway, thank you for your votes.' Darren spoke loudly. 'I've counted them in, but instead of just telling you the answer...'

'The winner.' Steve corrected him.

'I thought it would be nice if you all announced who you chose, and the reason why.'

We all glanced at each other. I'm not sure any of us were up for it.

'Dylan...' Darren smiled.

'OK, erm...I chose Alex because...'

The truth was I didn't really have a reason why. And coming up with one wasn't easy, with Alex's gleaming face pointed at me. It's just that out of everyone, Alex was the only one I could possibly bare having as the head porter. So I just thought of the first thing.

'Because he's getting married next year, and I'd like to see him with a bit more confidence.'

'OK.' Darren smiled again. 'Alex?'

'Well, I voted for Dylan, because...'

'Oh, come on!' Steve bellowed, making us all flinch. 'What happened to voting for ourselves?'

'I'm sorry?' Darren asked.

'Ignore him.' I said. 'Go on, Alex.'

'Because...' Alex started again.

'I thought we had a plan.' Steve crossed his arms violently.

'Shut up!' We all shouted.

I wanted to know why Alex voted for me, obviously.

'Mary?' Darren asked.

Hang on, what happened to Alex's reason?

'Well, I voted for myself.'

'What?' Steve leaned into her. 'Mary?'

Mary kept her eyes on Darren.

'What are you doing?' He asked his girlfriend.

'It's her choice, Steve.'

'Bollocks.'

'Steve!'

'Sorry, but....bollocks.'

There was a few moments of silence, as we all waited for the reason behind Steve's reaction.

'Well that's bollocksed it, hasn't it?'

'What? Why?'

'I voted for myself.'

'OK.' Darren smiled.

'So, what happens now? Toss up? Scissors, rock, paper?' Steve suggested.

'No.'

Even I was confused now. We'd all received a vote. Me and Alex voted for each other and Mary and Steve had voted for themselves. One vote each.

'Let's vote again.' Alex said.

'No. You all got a vote each. You all clearly think you all are qualified to be the head porter.'

'Well, no.' Steve interrupted.

'Steve.' Mary warned him.

'So, with that in mind, may I introduce to you you're new head porter...'

There was an inaudible drum roll that rattled around the room. Alex looked to the door, expecting a a man to walk in and declare himself in charge, and Steve put his arm up in the air like a school kid.

'All of you.' Darren smiled.

'What?' Steve asked.

'Yes, you are all the head porter.'

'How will that work?' I asked.

'Well, if there's a decision that needs to be made, you all discus it as a group.'

'Bollocks.'

Steve had said that for to much today. Darren dismissed us all and we walked down together, the collective Head Porter. We could have our own club or Facebook group, uniting every week for a poker night over a few beers, discussing ways to improve our department whilst becoming great friends. It was tough to imagine that, with Mary and Steve arguing in front of me.

'Why didn't you vote for me? I'm a Two Time...'

'A Two Time Head porter, I know. I just thought we needed a change.'

'Well you've got your way. Now we all have a say in what happens. It's going to get us nowhere!'

Alex and I let the happy couple walk on, slowing down behind them. Alex voted for me. A simple but effective way of displaying his thoughtfulness and high opinion of me.

'So why did you vote for me?' I asked.

'Simple. I eeny, meeny, miny, moed it.' He shrugged.

'I'm sorry?'

'Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.' Pointing at me on the last word.

It's hard to be thoughtful when no thought is involved.