Simply The Guest

No matter how well you know your partner, you’d be naïve to try and change their opinions on things, no matter how serious. From your religion to your side of the bed, they’re all tiny little granules that make up who you are. I mean, I have some pretty strong beliefs myself. You shouldn’t eat in cinemas. You shouldn’t walk onto a train when people are getting off it. And, dare I say it; you should take your empty glasses back to the bar when you leave a pub. Hey, it’s just who I am.

And the same goes for every couple. You’re bound to have your differences. Take Fran and Alex, for example. She has her charity that she works for, and all that volunteer work she does down at the primary school. Alex, he tests out XBOX game demos in his spare time, and he only asks for a tenner an hour. They’re both very different people.

Alex and Fran had been engaged for about a month or so, which seemed to make them twice as happy with each other. There is no rule as to how long you can be engaged for. I know a couple who have been engaged for four years now, and when asked about marriage, they tilt their heads and question it, as if it’s not really important to their lives. But Alex and Fran considered it important. I knew that straightaway, when Steve and I were stood by the trolley bay today, watching Alex smiling at us, pushing Fran towards us in her chair.

‘Look who it is.’ Steve nodded. ‘It’s Bill and Ben.’

‘Morning.’ I smiled.

‘Morning, gentlemen.’

Fran held out two white envelopes in our direction and grinned.

‘What are these?’ Steve asked.

‘Invitations. To our wedding.’ Fran relied.

‘Awww, you’ve set a date!’

I’ll admit, that may have been the most girlish thing I’d ever said. But no one seemed to mind.

‘Yes!’ Fran said. ‘14^th of June, next year.’

‘We’ll see you there!’ Alex added with a smile.

‘Erm, Alex? Fran? What’s this?’ Steve asked.

‘It’s an invitation, Steve.’ I said.

‘No, and wasn’t asking you! It says Steve and Guest.’

‘Yeah, you get to bring someone else with you. Have you been to a wedding before, Steve?’

‘Dylan, I’m not talking to you.’

Steve looked genuinely pained by the invitation, which made his eyebrows sink to the floor.

‘It’s a bit odd to have Mary as a guest.’

‘Oh, is that who you’re taking?’ Alex asked.

‘Of course it is. I’m just a bit sad she’s not, you know, got her own invitation.’

‘She has, it’s there!’ Fran pointed at Steve’s envelope. ‘She just has to turn up.

‘I know but…guest?’

‘How long have you been seeing each other?’

‘Two weeks.’

Hmm, I’m not sure that’s long enough for her own, separate invite. And after all, Alex does know Steve more than Mary. Fran agreed with me, too. And being the bride, I’m guessing she wins all disagreements.

‘That’s not long enough.’ Fran shook her head.

‘Not long enough? We’ve been on three dates. Three whole dates!’

Again, I'm not sure going to the town hall to see tribute acts is classed as a date. Still, they enjoyed the last one. Apparently, Rob Stewart rocked the house. They were even better than Alan Cooper and Pete Loaf. If you're interested, they're all available for bookings. Thirty quid, cash in hand.

‘Steve, come on. It’s not that big of a deal.’ Alex reasoned.

‘Is it because you think Mary doesn’t know you well enough?’

‘No, it’s because Alex knows she doesn’t know him well enough.’ Fran spoke for him. ‘She’s your girlfriend. She’s your guest. What’s the problem?’ Alex said.

They were right. The bride and groom were right.

‘OK.’ Steve stuck his tongue into his bottom lip. ‘If I can prove that Mary knows you enough…can she have her own invitation?

‘Yeah.’ Alex shrugged.

Fran looked a bit cross at Alex’s answer. She must have made the invites, and to print just one more for someone who’s already invited would be tedious.

‘Fine. I’ll get Mary. You wait here. We’re going to have ourselves a little Q and A!’

I would have walked away at that point, got on with some work. But watching Steve sweat his bodyweight because his girlfriend’s name isn’t on a bit of paper was too good to miss.

 Steve bellowed over to us twenty minutes later, literally dragging Mary by his side.

‘Right. Here we go.’

‘What took you so long?’ I asked.

‘We had some dinner.’ Steve replied.

‘And you left us here waiting?’ Fran asked.

‘I was preparing questions as well!’

Steve pulled out a bunch of napkins from his pocket. On it were a series of scrawled words in black ink.

‘Are you ready, Mary?’

Mary nodded in excitement and confusion.

‘Right, Mary…What shift does Alex work on a Saturday?’

Steve held out a firm arm in Alex and Fran’s direction, willing them not to speak. The couple just stared at Mary.’

‘Erm, ten six? It’s a ten six, isn’t it?’ Mary said, looking at Alex.

‘Aaaaa! Incorrect.’

‘Hang on, Steve. That’s right.’ Alex stepped in.

‘Is it?’

Steve peered down at his napkins and frowned.

‘I’ve got two ten written down on here. You work 2pm until 10pm on a Saturday, don’t you?’

‘No. Ten till six.’ Alex replied.

‘Yeah, ten six.’ Fran confirmed.

‘Ten six, Steve.’ Mary nodded.

This went on for ten minutes. And I’m telling you, we got it all. Alex’s shoe size, first girlfriend (which was Fran), favourite TV show, film and book, if you can count an X BOX magazine as a book. Steve asked them all, and every answer on his napkins was wrong.

‘Steve, where have you got these answers from?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Mary has got most of them right, but you’ve got all of them wrong. You made the quiz!’ Fran shouted from her chair.

‘I thought they were right.’ Steve said defensively.

‘My favourite TV is The Bill?’ Alex asked.

‘I thought you liked the walking feet at the end?’ Steve said, pointing his two fingers down to the ground and waggling them about.

‘That was ages ago! It’s changed now. That's why I stopped watching.’

'Same here.' I agreed.

‘You like Family Guy now, don’t you Alex?’ Mary smiled.

‘Correct.’ Alex smiled back.

Alex’s favourite food is a pot noodle, not crisps. His favourite drink is Dr Pepper, not a chocolate milkshake. And his favourite thing about Fran is her beautiful blue eyes, not the accessibility they got as a couple in cinemas. It seemed Steve guessed all the answers in a hurry, and hoped they were right.

‘Maybe it should be Mary Walden and Guest.’ Fran said.

We all made noises of agreement, apart from Steve, who was sweating more than ever.

‘OK, OK. Fran, if you don’t think I know him, ask me anything.’

‘Yeah, go on Fran.’ I said. ‘He’s got the answer but it’s wrong!’

‘OK. What’s his last name?’ Fran asked, nodding at her fiancé.

‘White! Whitman! Wilmslow! Whitefield!’

‘That's a long last name, Alex.’ I smiled.

‘Which one are you going for?’

‘Whitfield? Whitefield!’

We all stood and glared at Steve, who was desperately trying to fit letters together in his brain.

'Whitefield. Definitely Whitefield. Alex Whitefield.' Steve nodded.

‘Mary, I’ll get you an invitation printed. Bring whoever you like.’ Fran said.

Fran shot a cheeky smile over to Mary, and then Alex pushed her chair back up to the store.

'Aww, look at them. Mr and Mrs Whitehall.’ Mary smiled.

‘Shit! I knew that!’

Steve barked his last name up to the couple. Being a guest is that bad. After all, Steve will get to be one at the wedding. That’s if Mary invites him.