Ride And Seek

Darren made Steve apologise to Alex for making fun of Fran. Then, Darren made Alex apologise to Steve for pushing him into the trolley bay, hospitalising him for the second time in a week. If you’re new to this, I should tell you, this doesn’t normally happen. This isn’t normal. Of course, it is normal for colleagues to sometimes not get on. But what’s not normal is for the same colleague to be forced to the floor by two different people in almost the same place, within seven days.


That colleague was Steve, and after last week's second hospital visit, he was back for a few days before his next holiday. Steve was rubbish with his holidays, in that he always says the same thing when he comes back. Most people talk endlessly about their holiday to Egypt, or their exciting road trips or family excursions. Even by Steve’s bullshitting standards, his holidays only seem to consist of painting his back bedroom and spending some time in the ‘den’. The den being the garage his mum let him decorate with Iron Maiden posters. Although he is asked to take them down when they have company. Bless.

So it was the last Bullshit Wednesday before a two week bullshit break. I wasn’t expecting bullshit, taking into account Steve’s experiences over the last few days. But he was right on form.

‘All right, Student.’
‘Not a student anymore, Steve.’
‘Same thing. You seen Alex?’
‘No…why? What have you done to him?’
‘Nothing!’ Steve smirked.

I left it a few seconds to wait for more and walked into a half empty trolley bay.

‘Let’s just say it’s his turn to visit the hospital.’

When people begin a sentence with ‘Let’s just say…’ they are meant to finish it with something ambiguous and intriguing, pulling you in and making you ask for more. But Steve didn't do subtle speak, he just said it like it was. With a blunt insinuation that Steve had put Alex in hospital. But that was bullshit. Steve had been knocked down twice in a week but I couldn't see him go mad at anyone. Apart from that time Martha said she'd never heard of Slayer. She never heard the end of it. In her defence, I don't think I've met any 63 year old supermarket receptionist Slayer fans. Steve was no fighter. Alex would just have to get him by his ponytail and the fight would be over.

I was about to force myself to ask for more, but we heard a shout from the far corner of the car park. It was Grace, the girl who works in the music shop around the corner. Steve really gets on with her. I already knew that, but if I didn’t I could have probably guessed by his reply. He glared over at her and smiled, waving like a child. Normally when you see someone you know, you exchange pleasantries whilst stood still. You don’t know or want to know them well enough to walk over, but Steve did. Leaving the trolleys in the road as he crossed it, making a young lad in a vauxhall corsa slam on the breaks and shout abuse. Steve ignored him and rushed over to her, leaving me to push the trolleys out of the way.

‘Had a good catch up then?’ I said, when he finally came back.
‘Relax, dude. We’re just mates.’
‘I am relaxed…. dude.’ I smiled.

Steve stood next to me and did pointless stretches whilst I stacked up the trolleys, breathing heavily and looking around. Like a child waiting silently for his pocket money

‘She’s err…split up from her bloke.’ He mumbled, just about loud enough for me to hear.
‘Her fiancé?’
‘Same thing. Yeah.’ He licked his lips and smiled.
‘Brilliant, you going to go for it, then?’

Steve scoffed and scrunched up his nose, as if I just said Queen was better without Freddie Mercury.

‘No!’ He scoffed a bit more. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah, why not? She’s around your age. You get on with her.’

He stretched a bit more, ducked his head and tried to look for Grace, who was now waiting at the bus stop.

‘I do get on with her.’
‘Yeah.’ I encouraged him.
‘She is around my age.’ He smiled.
‘Yeah!’
‘She’s got the new Judas Priest album.’
‘There you go!'
‘Limited edition!’
‘What are you waiting for?’

So Steve walked over to her and chatted, presumably about the Limited Edition Judas Priest album. Her bus arrived and instead of saying goodbye, he got on the bus with her. I stood and waited for him to get off, but a couple of minutes later the bus doors hissed shut and charged off down the road. I was half-expecting the bus to grind to a halt and Steve to scuttle off. But I scanned the seats and there he was, sat comfortably next to Grace.

‘We just got chatting and we couldn’t stop.’ He said the next day.
‘Brilliant. So are you seeing each other now then?’
'Dylan, you're old fashioned, mate. Get with the hit parade! It's not what cool people do now.'
'You didn't get the chance to ask her out, did you?'
‘It was her stop.’ Steve frowned.
‘That’s quite romantic anyway.’
‘She gave me her number and as soon as she got off, I rang her. Then forty minutes later I got off.'
'Forty minutes?'
'Yeah...I was forty minutes away from where I live, like. Had to walk it home in the rain.’
‘I had to work in the rain. On my own.’

Darren called us both into his office shortly after. It was Sharon’s office, but she was still away on her ‘don’t hospitalise your colleagues’ course. Darren had moved in. He'd even changed her screensaver on her computer.

‘Gentleman, do sit.’ He announced confidently.

Alex was already sat at the desk.

‘What’s he doing here?’ Steve barked.

It wasn’t a threatening question. He was just pissed off that I found out Alex wasn’t in hospital. I knew that already, but it was nice to see Steve sweat.


‘Don’t you worry about Alex.’
‘Listen, Daz…’
‘Darren.’
‘Same thing. If this is about the bus thing, I apologise. I was helping a customer.’
‘What bus thing?’ Darren asked.
‘…You don’t know?’
‘Know what? What bus thing?’

Steve looked at me, wanting to help him out. But I sat and scanned the room whilst picking my teeth.

‘Dylan, what bus thing?’ Darren asked again.

I could have come up with plenty of excuses. But I couldn’t be bothered.

‘He was trying to get into the knickers of some bird.’
‘Stephen!’ Darren gasped.
‘Dylan!’ Steve shouted.
‘What bird?’ Darren asked, but then he suddenly realised who he was. ‘I mean, what girl?’
‘Grace. Works in the music shop around the corner.’
‘I think you can describe better than that, Dylan!’ Steve proclaimed.


We all glared at Steve, willing him to describe her better than I did.

‘Yeah, she works in the music shop around the corner.’ He said shyly and sat back.
‘She’s got the new Judas Priest album, Darren.’ I said.
'Special Edition?’ Darren asked.

Steve nodded with a smile.

‘Wow, she's a keeper! This is good news. Not about you boarding a bus whilst clocked in, about you having luck with the ladies.'
‘Lady.’ I said.
‘Right, back on topic. I am going to settle this, these squabbles between you all. Alex is writing an apology.’
‘Good.’ Steve said.
‘Why do I need to be here?’ I asked.
‘You’re involved too, Dylan.’
‘No, I’m not. Alex pushed him.’
‘You pushed him too. The first time!’ He barked.
‘Why do I keep getting pushed?' Steve shrieked.

He had a point. Steve's on first name terms with the paramedic now. He's going to his wedding next week.

‘Alex, you ready?’ Darren asked.

Alex cleared his throat and swivelled in his seat. Looked at the A4 piece of paper, then looked up at Steve’s snarling face.

‘I’m sorry.’

Alex leant back in his chair.

‘Is that it?’ Darren asked.
‘Yeah, is that it?’ Steve asked.
‘It’s all I want to say.’ Alex shrugged.
‘You've been sat writing for half an hour!’ shouted Darren.
‘I also wrote a love letter to Fran, do you want to hear it?’

We all said no.

‘That’s it. The reason you all don’t get along is because you don’t know each other. Strangers. That’s what you are. Alex, you’re taking Fran out tonight for a meal, is that right?’
‘Yeah, it’s our one month anniversary.’
‘OK, Steve. You’re going with them.’
‘What?’ Steve said, followed by Alex.
‘You have to get to know each other!’ Darren barked.

Of course, this was a terrible idea. So I wanted to make sure it happened.

‘You could take Grace.’ I leant in to Steve.
‘Shut up, student.’
‘He’s not a student any more.’ Darren said.
‘Same thing.’
‘Then that’s settled.’ Darren crossed his arms. ‘Steve, you bring Grace and meet Fran and Alex at the restaurant. I’m sure it will be a pleasant evening. Where are you taking her, Alex?’
‘My cousin runs a homeless shelter. We can get free food.’ Alex smiled.

Lovely. Happy anniversary, Fran! You’re going to a tramps canteen.

‘It’s all set up, then. Have fun, guys.’ I rubbed my hands.
‘Dylan, you’re going too.’ Darren said.



Oh, bollocks.