In soap opera's or those rubbish films you see, predicaments are always drawn out. Swelling orchestral music is played whilst actors stare in the middle distance, looking thoughtful and indecisive. The camera constantly dollying to a parked car, inside a woman looks to her phone and thinks about making that phone call. Then it all comes out, raging arguments filled with pent up aggression and despair. Words flown out of mouths with bite and bitterness, until everything is solved. Someone dies, leaves town or they ultimately make up. But on a car park of your local supermarket, no such things happen. Darren and Duncan couldn't have their argument, their fight, their swollen rise of the orchestra, because one of them had left. Duncan had handed in his notice soon after telling me about his night with Jenny. Alex said he just didn't like the work, but I knew the truth. He just didn't want to be around Darren and face talking to him.
Nine months had passed. Darren spent those months buying 'Daddy' based garments for himself and tiny ones for the baby, Steve had a few holidays, nearly all of them with his mother, and I spent them trying to forget about what I knew. Surely Duncan wasn't working with us any more that would eradicate the problem. But I was still beating myself up over what to do. One way or another there was a baby with two potential fathers. Advice would do the trick, from someone older and wiser that I.
'Sharon, can I come in?'
Sharon's door was ajar, I heard her sigh forcefully before letting me enter. She put out her cigarette as she looked down at her papers.
'I need to talk to you about something.'
'Will it take long?'
'I'm not sure.'
'Go...'
'Well...' I said, sitting down. 'I kind of have a situation. I've found out something recently and I was wondering if you can help me with it.'
'Oh, right...' She said softly, sitting down and looking at me for the first time.
'You see, I've been told by a certain person not to tell anyone. But, I think I have to.'
'Right...'
'It's quite complicated.'
'Often things are.'
'Yes, I know. But I don't want to hurt this person.'
'I see.'
This was strange. She was replying to everything I said as if she understood and had the answers. Surely she didn't know about Jenny being pregnant. Maybe Jenny told her so she could get the time off. Or Darren warned her about having time off in the future.
'See I know something. Something serious. About someone.'
'Ah, and this someone....What does he know?'
'Well, It's hard to tell you because I'm worried about other people's feelings.'
'People's feeling? And what about your feelings?'
'They don't count, really.'
'Of course they do. Your feelings are all that matter!'
'But...'
'This has happened to me before. With my brother.'
'It has?'
Sharon stood up, put her arms on the table and glared at me.
'Just say it.' She barked.
'Say what?'
'What you want to say.'
'I'm not sure...'
'You'll feel better. My brother felt better.'
'Your brother was in this predicament?'
'Oh yes.'
'But did he tell his friend the truth?'
'Oh yes, told everyone.'
'Everyone?'
Hang on. Something was wrong here. I'm not going to tell everyone about Jenny and Darren, surely. And then I realised. She wanted me to confess something...else. Something about me that wasn't true.
'Everyone. Say the words Dylan. Say it proud.' She barked again.
I stood up.
'I think our wires have been crossed. I'm not gay, Sharon.'
'You're...not gay?' She said, tilting her head back.
What was it with me and meetings like this? Why can't I just say what's on my mind? Instead of going through minutes and minutes of excruciating questions and confusion.
'Never mind, Sharon. Thank you anyway.' Standing up out of the chair. 'You didn't think I was actually gay did you?'
'A little bit.' Lighting another cigarette.
'A little bit?'
'Yeah, you know, a little bit gay.'
'I don't listen to Coldplay if Steve's been asking.'
'No, no I know. Say no more. But if you change your mind, my brother would certainly be available. He's about your age, got his own fishing boat.
'No, thanks.'
I left her office feeling relieved of pressure and oddly complemented. And I had nothing to worry about, until Darren got a phone call from Jenny.
'Did you know about Jenny and Duncan?' Darren shouted as he charged his way over to me, pinning my shoulders to the trolley bay, making the perspex clang, attracting customers to the scene.
'What?' I uttered.
'I've just spoke to her. Says the baby is Duncan's! And you. Knew. About. It.' Every word forcing me again into the perspex.
I let out a noise and shook my head from side to side. Darren's eyes were blood shot and filling up with tears, his teeth clamped down together in his head.
'I didn't want to hurt you, Darren.'
'Hurt me!? Hurt me!?'
'Settle down, Daz.' Steve tried.
'Shut it, Steve. Why the fuck didn't you tell me? You knew about them two and you didn't tell me!'
'I didn't want to hu...'
'Hurt me, yeah.' Letting go of me. 'Well I guess it's OK now, isn't it! The baby is Duncans.'
'What?' Steve said.
'It's Duncan's, Dylan. They're together now. Haven't you heard? Oh, I guess you don't know everything!' Darren spat at me.
'I'm so sorry.'
'What baby?' Steve said, looking confused.
'You're sorry? I guess I won't need these now.'
Darren violently scratched around into his coat pocket and pulled out a brand new set of blue coloured baby socks and threw them at me. Certainly the oddest thing ever thrown at me. Being so shocked I let them hit me and watched them fall to the floor. Darren let his shoulders fall and put his hands to his face. I tried to think of something to say, but couldn't find anything. Knowing about it got me into this, I didn't want to know.
'Listen, Darren...' I muttered. Darren was crouching down, still holding his face. 'He told me about that night the way you told me about Jenny being pregnant. He wanted my advice. I told him to tell you. I said he should speak to you.'
'Why didn't you tell me!' He exploded up from the floor.
'It wasn't up to me, this is nothing to do with me!' I squealed, flinching.
'What baby?' Said asked, still confused.
Duncan had left because he didn't want to speak to Darren. The cowards way out. Leaving me to deal with it. He took a test the day the baby was born but Darren was there at the birth, he managed to book the week off especially. Once Jenny found out who the father was she rang Darren. I felt horrible. He started to cry a bit, Steve looked uncomfortable but remained rooted to the spot. And after sobbing a bit more, Darren stomped his way up to the store.
'What baby?'
'Leave it, Steve.' I sighed.
Darren was close to the end of his Customer Services course. I half wondered whether he would pack it all in but he kept going, presumably to keep his mind off things. It meant him staying a few hours later after every shift. I was on my tea break when he sat down at my table. I lifted my head up and glared at him, still chewing my cheese and onion sandwich.
'All right?' I said coyly.
'Yeah.' He sighed.
We sat and ate in silence for about ten minutes. It was the slowest I've ever eaten, carefully taking a bite after every few quiet moments. I decided to go first.
'Listen, Darren...'
'It's fine.' He shook his head. 'You're not to blame.'
'...I'm not?'
'No. It's OK, really.'
'OK. I'm still sorry, though. For not telling you.'
'I know. And I know now so that's what counts.'
'Yeah. What are they?' I asked, trying to break the tension, looking down at Darren's papers.
'Forms for my course. Nearly finished it.'
'Oh, that's good.'
'Yeah.'
'I would have thought you would have stopped that. You know, with what's gone on.'
'No. I didn't do it for Jenny. Or the baby.' He looked up at me. 'I did it for me.'
Sharon walked into the canteen and spotted us at the table, smiling and looking deep into each others eyes.
'Ah, gentleman. Is everything OK?'
'Yes, yes.' Said Darren. 'We're just getting a few things off our chests.'
'Oh, well, looks like you'll be needing my brother's number too.'
Darren looked at me in confusion.
'Ignore her.' I shook my head.
'Say, Darren...' Sharon said, making a cup of coffee. 'Do you enjoy fishing?'
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