You know when you're thinking about something, something that needs you're full attention but someone or something is taking a part away from you? That's what Alex was doing when I was trying to think about Steve and how I made him feel. It was true, I did use him to get to Allison at the nightclub, I did go to the pub with him so I could secretly celebrate the date we'd arranged. But there was no malice involved. Besides, he likes going out. Mary likes him going out. So if I want him to go out to save my social embarrassment, where's the harm? Well, the harm was here at work. He hadn't spoken to me all weekend. So when tuesday morning came around, I thought I'd try to prepare my most sincerest apology for when he arrived in work. But Alex and his talking was in the way.
'We finally got together, the parents, to celebrate the wedding.'
'Oh, right...' I mumbled.
'Round at our flat, it was. We put table cloths over the tables and everything. Made it proper posh.'
'Posh?'
'We had After Eights.'
Ah, the After Eight. I heard it was the Queen's favourite after meal treat. Prince Phillip prefers the Cream Egg.
'Mine and Fran's parents seem to be getting on well...'
What's going on? Six months ago you were lucky to get a cough out of Alex, now he's blabbering on about parent's and wedding's non-stop. It's like he's actually turned into an adult, all thank's to an Argos engagement ring.
'What's wrong, Dylan? You seem quite distracted.'
You can't tell the truth the people anymore, it's just unpleasant.
'Me? Naa, mate. Just a bit tired.'
'Steve told me you're with Allison off checkouts?'
That sounded good, but wasn't right.
'Steve told you that? No, we're just friends, for now.'
'I see...'
'What else did Steve tell you about me and Allison?'
'Nothing much.' He shrugged. 'He looked pretty pissed off, though...'
'Really?'
'Yeah, but then it was a Sunday morning, so what d'you expect?' He chuckled.
I would have appreciated Alex's light-hearted banter any other day, but not today. Before I knew it, Steve had clocked in and was marching over to me, his eyes dead set on mine. Was this it? Was this the way I was going to die? Battered in a car park on a wet afternoon? He can't be that angry, really. If I was him I wouldn't be angry, i'd be more pissed off, as Alex said. But as Steve grew closer, his face wasn't a look of anger, it was panic.
'Dylan, come here!' He tried to whisper.
'What?'
'Come here.'
I walked a few steps and met him by the trolley bay. He was sweating, his eyes still fixated on mine.
'No one has passed on anything...to you? Have they?'
'What?'
No assault? No name calling? Not even a nipple twist?
'Something involving me...and Mary...nothing? Over the last day or so?'
'I'm not following, Steve...'
'A picture.' He moved inches from my face, clenching every muscle in his body.
'No...no, I haven't. What picture?'
Steve looked around a bit whilst getting our his phone. He pressed a few buttons anxiously and shoved it back into his pocket.
'Listen, we're mates, yeah?'
That was good to hear.
'I hope so.' I smiled.
'Good, so if you hear anything about a picture, call me, e-mail me, fax, whatever...'
'Fax?'
'Whatever. Let me know.'
Steve turned back to the store.
'Hang on, what picture.'
'There is a very private picture going around this store. Of me and Mary. Very private.'
On one hand I was relieved that Steve's anger towards me had been thrown out of the window. It just seemed a bit odd that it was chucked out by what clearly was a rather compromising picture of him and Mary. I hadn't seen any picture and I think it goes without saying I wouldn't want to see it. But with my relief in full swing, I wandered over to Alex and joined in on his cheery light-hearted banter.
'Has he spoken to you to?' I asked.
'Yeah, he was sweating like a whats-it in a thingy.'
'I know.'
That's the actual saying, by the way. I felt it was my obligation to help Steve out. I was still feeling guilty and even though he had other pressing matters on his mind, I still treated him wrongly and no weird little picture of him and his girlfriend would change that. So I decided to ask around with all the subtlety of a grizzly bear.
'Danny...'
Danny was at his security podium. I didn't like Danny. He makes that awful throaty noise that people do on buses and scratches his balls too much for my liking. But he was a security colleague. Steve wanted something securing.
'Yes, Dyl.' He glanced up at me.
'An.'
'Ah?'
'Dyl-an.'
'Right.'
'A friend of mine is looking for something that he's lost.'
'Check the lost and found.'
This wasn't a forgotten umbrella or a shoe. This was a picture of a couple. I didn't want to think of the picture for too long, I wanted to keep my breakfast down.
'Have you heard anything?' I tilted my head.
'About a picture? That belongs to your friend?'
'Yes.'
'What kind of picture?'
'Just a picture.'
I needed to be vague. It was all I knew.
'Of what?'
'A friend.'
'Go on...'
'And another...friend...'
Danny rolled his eyes.
'Oh, I see. A friend?'
He looked at me with lowered eyebrows, insinuating something horrible.
'It's not me! I'm not the friend.'
'OK.' He smiled.
'But if you hear anything...'
'I'll let you know.'
Out of the other five people I asked after that, nearly all of them presumed the same thing as Danny. It was only Sharon who didn't, but that was only because she told me to get out of his office before I could explain what I was looking for.
Allison was at the checkouts, chatting to an old couple about the price of bread.
'Afternoon.'
'Oh, hey you!' She gleamed.
'You haven't heard anything about a picture, have you?'
'A picture?' She said, with one eye on her scanner.
'Yeah, apparently there's a picture going around.'
'Of who?'
I couldn't say it was of a friend, I didn't want Allison thinking the same as Danny.
'Steve. A picture of Steve.'
'Erm...I saw him rushing out earlier, he had a picture.'
'Really?'
'Yeah.'
'Great.' I moved off.
'Hang on, we still on for next week? Pay day?'
'Sure.' I grinned.
What a day. Steve has forgotten about being angry because of a sick and sordid picture, and I've secured a night with Allison. Steve was bent over in his car when I got down to the car park.
'Steve! Is all OK now?'
'Yeah, dude.' He said with his back to me. 'I've got it. Luckily it was handed in to Anne in the offices. She can't see a thing without her glasses.'
'Great.'
'Do you want to see it?' He asked, his arse pointed at me.
'Sorry?'
'The picture...you want to see it?'
Did I? I didn't think so. I mean, I was intrigued, that's natural.
'Erm...if...if you want. It's only certain people who can't.'
Oh, God. I felt like part of a cult. They are going to invite me round and feed me nibbles in the nude. Steve stood up and thrust the picture in front of me. At first I didn't know what it was. I had to move away from it to get it into focus. At first I saw two white faces, pace from the flash of the camera, one on top of the other. I recognized Steve, the higher face. And then Mary, the lower. I would have been shocked but they both were fully dressed.
'What the hell...'
'It's me and Mary.' Steve looked at the picture himself.
'I know, but...what are you doing?'
'The Scary Stretch.'
Oh, they've given them weird names. Oh, god...
'The what?'
'Mary's new wrestling move.
'That's the picture?'
'Yeah?' Steve seemed offended. 'I don't want this getting around, do I? It took Mary two weeks to perfect this move, we wouldn't want other wrestlers finding out do we.'
'Wrestling? I thought it would be like...porn or something...you know...'
'What?'
'You were really panicked about it!'
'One of the cleaners is the Womens Hardcore Champion. This would be gold to her.' He nodded to the picture.
Steve looked at the picture before looking back at me.
'Porn, Dylan?'
'Yeah, you know...a picture of you and Mary...'
'Dude...you're sick.'
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